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This page was reviewed or revised on Saturday, October 26, 2002.

Are you abusive?

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse her or him of being with other people?

Are you extremely jealous or possessive?

Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at your partner?

Do you constantly insult or criticize your partner?

Do you become violent when you drink or use drugs?

Have you threatened your partner or broken things in your partners presence?

Have you forced your partner to have sex with you or intimidated your partner so that he or she is afraid to say no?

Have you threatened to hurt your partner?

Have you threatened to hurt yourself if your partner breaks up with you?

If one or more of the above questions applies to your behaviour, realize that you are inflicting physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse on your partner. If you can recognize that what you are doing is wrong, then...

You have to take responsibility for your actions.

You can’t blame your behavior on your partner or drugs or alcohol.

You can change the way you act if you get supportive counseling.

You can call a crisis hotline for the number of a program or go to the counseling center at your school.

Unless you do something about it, it’s going to get worse, and your violence will increase.

You might be breaking the law with your abusive behavior.

Are you being abused?

Ask yourself these questions:

Are you frightened by your partner’s temper?

Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?

Are you constantly apologizing for your partner's behaviour?

Do you have to justify every place you go, every thing you do, or every person you see just to avoid your partner’s anger?

Does your partner constantly put you down and then tell you that he or she loves you.

Have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved or had things thrown at you?

Do you refuse to see family and friends or to do things just because of your partner's jealousy?

Have you been forced into having sex when you didn’t want to?

Are you afraid to break up because your partner has threatened to hurt you or himself/herself?

If one or more of the above questions applies to your relationship, you are being abused and you can make choices. You can:

End the relationship and choose not to see your partner.

Get help from someone you can trust, preferably an adult.

Go to your counseling center at school. Call 800-572-SAFE (7233) for referral to a local support program in your area.

Adapted from Family Life Matters, a newsletter for Health, Family Life and Sexual Educators. Published by the Network for Family Life Education. (25) Spring 1995.